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Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Illegal & Illogical

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?" 

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!" 

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. 

A Jew and an anti-Semite walk into a bar

A well known Anti-Semite, walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by wearing a kippa, tzitzis, and payos.
He doesn’t have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish.
So he shouts over to the bartender so loudly, that everyone can hear, “Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for that Jew over there.”
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, he notices that the Jewish guy is smiling and waving to him and says ‘Thank You’ in an equally loud voice, so that everyone can hear.

African Roulette

The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.

On the final day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, "As your stay is coming to an end, it is time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded. You spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger."

Prayer answered

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses.
One day a letter came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought,
"I better open this one and see what it's all about." 

So he opened it and it read:
"Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse.
It had a hundred dollars in it which was all the money I had until my next pension check." "Next Sunday is Easter,

A Tale Of 2 cows


TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

How NEP works

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the PM's residence.

One is from MIC , another is from MCA , and the third is from UMNO.

All three go with a PM's House-official to examine the fence.


God's Creations

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks by. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I'll give you back the other 10?" So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a 20-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?" And God agreed.

Three type of leader

God summons President Barrack Obama, Chinese Leader Hu Jintao and French President Nicolas Sarkozy to a meeting.

He then tells them that he has decided to end the world in 3 days and orders them to tell their people.


UMNO, MIC & MIC

There are three major races in Malaysia. They are the Malay, Chinese and Indian. The Malay has the political power and so they set up the party UMNO which literally means “U Must Not Object”.

While the Chinese controlled the economy and they called their party MCA which means “Money Conquered All”.

Lastly, the Indian who has no say in politic or economics, set up their party called MIC. Hence, every parliamentary meeting the Indians would ask: “Must I Come?”

UNCLE TONY and THE BARMAN

Arriving in a hotel in KL Sentral Uncle Tony went to the bar and asked for a pint of draught Guinness. The barman nodded and said, "That will be one Ringgit please, Uncle Tony."

Somewhat taken aback, Uncle Tony replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.

"Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition", said the
barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday evening from 6 until 8. We have the cheapest draught in Asia"

The Bet

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, “It's a lot of money!”

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office.

The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, “$165,000!” and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.

Can you reead this?

None of the get it right

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki


The Best HELL

I really find the joke below hilarious when I first read it. In fact, we never known how a hell look or feel like. If only the following joke is true and if I were to send to hell (hopefully not but would love to see how's life down there) I would be definitely be one in the que at the gate of the Malaysian Hell (hehe). This joke is taken with kind permission from shaynina.blogspot. Thanks Nina.

Najib goes to bank

NAJIB walks into Malayan Banking to cash a cheque.

As he approaches the cashier he says "Good morning , could you please cash this cheque for me?"
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Najib: "Alamak! I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. "


Some

If sex with four people is called a foursome.

Sex with three people is called a threesome.

Sex with two is called a twosome.

I now know why some guys are called handsome.

Waiting to get paid

A new CEO takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning against a wall. He can’t believe this guy would just stand around on the job. The new CEO walks up to the guy and asks, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m just waiting to get paid,” responds the man.

Husband explanation when he was caught with other women

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: “Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.

Laughter Is The Best Medicine!!

I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in,
she said: Cheque books.

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.

What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

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